I have to get this out of my chest.

I got to admit, this post is long overdue… So many things happened in my life with such a short span of 3 weeks and a half.

What I’m feeling right now is like a bomb… Slowly ticking, waiting for the right time, patiently counting the seconds until finally it’s time to explode. It’s over.

“Is it really over?” I tend to ask myself everyday. Every fuckin’ day. It suddenly became my breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner. It’s a daily dose of reality biting back after last night’s awesomeness. It’s like a slap on the face for every laughs released. Pathetic. Exactly what I feel.

It’s true when Brandon Boyd said, “Love hurts, but sometimes it’s a good hurt ‘cause it makes me feel alive.” I never felt alive this much. It’s a reminder from God. Everything has an end and that He will save me from the wrong one. Did He? Did He really saved me? I guess I wouldn’t know right now. Not right now, I have to learn to be patient.

I bet you’re wondering what really happened… I won’t channel a KC-Piolo-Brouhaha, nope, I’m not from that business. Lol But it’s pretty much like what kc said, “I’m not the one he’s looking for.” He’s definitely not gay, that I can assure you. He just might be in a state where his world became so fast-faced and that he couldn’t find the time to commit to me. To love me like before. To deal with my issues and problems. To still keep me in his life. He can’t do that anymore. He’s a changed man. And that change happened for a very short time. A ridiculously short amount. The last time I checked we were so happy, then one day he woke up and stopped caring.

That’s life, my friends. Nothing is permanent. There’s no such thing as forever that’s why he shouldn’t have promised to love me “always and forever.” I believed that, you know… Haha I can’t believe I did. He might have blurted it out of joy and happiness because of something that I did in the past. But it didn’t took long for that something to disappear. It “wiped” his head clean of our memories together. How things started rocky but it eventually changed through the course of time. The broken dreams and promises. How hard it is to make it work but it did cause we made it possible. I thought he was serious when he said, “we will make this work.” I guess it’s not true. I just can’t believe it’s all happening. How can someone start a relationship with so much love then ended up with nothing more? That’s when I ask myself questions… Did I ever treated him right? Didn’t I gave it all? I always thought giving my all will do the trick, I guess it doesn’t work that way.

I should have handled things like my past relationships… Never give all the heart. Never surrender what they wanted most. Never let them know how important they are in my life ‘cause it will back-fire and could be used as a weapon against me. A lethal weapon designed to destroy me and only me.

All along I thought this is for keeps. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. We’re not meant to be. The fight is over. You gave up. And I’m here, alone, miserable, still waiting for some miracle… That maybe one day, you’ll find your way back to me.

Babe, let’s start over again… Like the days where only music plays in our mind while we walk in the streets with our hands clasped together. Like a puzzle, filling the void of each other. So let’s start over again?… Maybe this time, we will make it work.